i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
