ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
