I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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