We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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