I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
