we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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