Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
