We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
