I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
