she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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