I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
