Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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