There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
