the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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