I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
