If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
