finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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