Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
