Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
