I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
