That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
