I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
