I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
