THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize