His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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