dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
