he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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