Have you finally orgasmed yet?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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