You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
