he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize