So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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