were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Randomize
