I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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