I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I need to stop coming to work sober
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
