Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
