i wish peter jackson would direct porn
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize