If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
