they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
