Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
