honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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