I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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