i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
you never un-have a 4some
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
