How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize