Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
