i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize