Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
