I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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