I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Text me some of your sweat
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
