I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
