As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
