I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
