you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
