This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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