I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
