We're like a lot better than the average bears
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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