I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize