Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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