i already hear my dad disowning me
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
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