What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
A bitchslap is in order.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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