i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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