You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
