it's like iHOP with fire
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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