I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
