It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
