you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
