got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
