is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
