i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
