So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
