My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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