I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
