I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
