I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
