ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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