Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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