After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
