Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
