I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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