She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
