Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How does one acquire holy water?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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