everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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