We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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