you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize