There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
