No stitches, just platelets and will power
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
