Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
