Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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